Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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