I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
