Quick, to the slutcave!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
