I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
