When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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