party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
