Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
