I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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