See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
