i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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