I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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