I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
