I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I want is dick and wine.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
