Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
