the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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