Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just gargled with NyQuil
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
