her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
