This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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