$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
