you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
