Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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