Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
