I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I touched a dick in church today
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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