you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
