btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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