Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
