i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
