In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
