Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
