Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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