So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
