im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You ruined the universe
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
