Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
