"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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