She's JV to your varsity
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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