My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
