we're chasing vodka with high fives
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
