it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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