What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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