I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
