Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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