Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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