Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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