I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
