Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
God, I missed his penis.
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