remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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