Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
