Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
