Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
