where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just gift wrapped bread.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
