No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
