His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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