i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize