Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
