Pants 0. Shit 1.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you win again, gameday.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
