Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
