do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
