Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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