He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
