I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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