So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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