I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize