Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
