I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
