I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
