Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
