I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
